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jasepl · Member Joined: 26 Jul 2008 Posts: 4257 Location: bund-bay

So it was time to book yet another trip to Nantes. This time, it became that I was going to be accompanied by my kinda-sorta ex. That might seem weird to most, but we have a weird relationship. We've been "broken up" for the better part of a decade, yet both of us are somehow unable to completely cut each other out or to move on with someone else.

Oh well, after a certain point, you just have to stop questioning certain things. Just nod your head and get on with it.

Anyway, if it were just Nantes, I'd have gone on Delta or Air France. But I wanted to go to Lyons as well, to see my goddaughter so other airlines became possible options as well.

Long story short, we used my friend's M&M points to redeem an award for me and I paid for a revenue ticket for my friend. Add in a couple of Lying Poo redemptions and we were set:

* BOM-ZRH-LYS on Swiss
* LYS-NTE-LYS on Air France
* GVA-ZRH-BOM on Swiss

We had to go through Lyons, because the entirely useless Grenoble airport remains entirely useless. There are flights to obscure British airports and a couple of more random destinations and that's it. What's worse is that most are ski seasonal flights. Volotea - the new-ish airline - even have GNB-NTE flights, but, again, in winter only. Ugh.

This was all planned and booked months in advance and fingers kept crossed because with me you can't be sure until I get on the plane!

Then, a couple of weeks before we were to leave, my sister-in-law reminded me – to my eternal shame – that I really should go see my grandmother. I hadn't seen her in a while and she's not exactly in top form and we don't expect her to be with us for too much longer. Besides, I'd be lucky if she even recognised me, so visiting her was more to assuage my guilt than to make her feel good. So a detour to Aix had to be factored in.

Unfortunately, the way we had done our bookings and the fact that Swiss don't fly to Marseilles meant we didn't have much choice, short of cancelling everything and making new bookings on AF/DL at obscene fares. Fortunately, the cities aren't too far apart and France has an excellent, integrated transport network. A few phone calls, change fees and rebookings later, we ended up with:

* BOM - ZRH - LYS on Swiss
* Lyon - Aix-en-Provence on SNCF
* MRS - NTE on Air France
* Nantes - Grenoble on SNCF
* GVA - ZRH - BOM on Swiss

Lufthansa charged change fees, but simply said the would be charged to the same credit card used to make the bookings. No Jet-style drama, or nakhra or natak or email-print-fill-sign-scan-fax nonsense.

We weren't able to change the outbound to the exact date I wanted, which meant we would have to spend a day more than I wanted in Aix. That meant we would have to do a little more timepass, which was fine, since we expected to have to do a lot of timepass anyway!

Eventually, these are the places we ended up visiting (and I use the term loosely, since we didn't even get out of the car in some places!). It wasn't nearly as hectic as it seems and, in fact, was one of the most leisurely trips I can remember.

The orange stars we actually went to (or through); the white stars (Paris and Milan) just give an indication of geography.

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jasepl · Member Joined: 26 Jul 2008 Posts: 4257 Location: bund-bay

Bombay - Zürich // Swiss A333

We had already selected our seats at the time of booking (and again at the time of re-booking) and Swiss let you change as often as you like, by the way. So checking in online in advance wasn't necessary, but I did it anyway:

I've described Sahar in minute detail a million times already, so I won't bother repeating the same thing.

This time, though, was the first time I can remember that all the premium conveniences that are offered between Sahar and the airline in question (meagre as they are) worked flawlessly.

* there was a massive queue to even enter the terminal, but we were escorted right past everyone else by the Lufthansawalli
* there was a decent-sizes queue for Y check-in, but the Swiss Business counters were unoccupied when we showed up and we were done in under a minute
* immigration was a zoo, but the F/J counters were bizarrely empty and we were done within no time; surprisingly no retarded questions from the immigrationwallah either
* security was a mess, but the new F/J section was clear and we were done very quickly
* we didn't bother with the lounge but plonked ourselves on the seats near the gates, as is my habit
* F/J boarding was a breeze

Let's see who has a lounge at Sahar.

There's Air India, with a few flights a day:

and British Airways, with two flights a day:

and Emirates, with five flights a day:

and Lufthansa, with three flights a day:

Bombay is a spoke for all of them. But, of course, people flying the resident airline, the only one that is hubbed at Sahar, the one with 20-something flights, the supposedly premium-est airline in the world, end up here:

The most pointless and deserted shops at Sahar (I'm convinced they're all laundromats; maybe Sahara has something to do with them?):

Boarding:

Cabin and Seats:

The IFE screen upon boarding:

Menu already on seat:

You give them your breakfast selections before sleeping, so you're not disturbed before you have to be in the morning:

Post-departure snack choices in English and en français:

Champagne & Wine:

After dining selections were taken, amenity kits were handed out:

Unfortunately, I didn't eat a thing, so no pictures of the food.

The magazine:

Our location:

Multiple languages (unlike…)

La Loo:

The cabin and seats:

IFE (limited choice, but good selection). I watched "This is Forty" – hilarious!

The cabin in darkness (I love this about Swiss!):

The Swiss Business seats aren't the best in the world, but the do the job rather nicely. Add to that the professional, efficient service and the cabin ambience and it makes for a very good experience; one of the better ones.

That meant. after the movie, I completely passed out and had to be woken up just before landing at Kloten.

There was only time enough for an espresso:

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jasepl · Member Joined: 26 Jul 2008 Posts: 4257 Location: bund-bay

Kloten Airport and Zürich - Lyons

The transfer process at Kloten was interesting. You disembark, and go to the connections area. Since you're coming from outside Europe, the first thing to do is clear security, and then you're free to roam about most of the airport.

The main shops, restaurants, lounges etc are all in this "middle" area.

Then, you clear immigration (to enter the Schengen zone) and then get on the train (and yes, the cows are still mooing and Heidi is still yodelling) to take you to the departing terminal.

We had a couple of hours between flights, so we went to one of the many Swiss Business lounges:
* the ground floor is for elite FFPs who're flying in Y - keep the kachra out Smile

* the first floor is the main lounge area for those who actually paid to fly in business
* the second floor is the "longest bar in Europe" - again accessible only to those who can get to the first floor

Main (first) floor of the lounge:

Second floor (aka longest bar):

We were on the first floor, in the back section, where I had my usual assortment of beverages:

And marvelled (in admiration) at Europeans' ability to drink beer and wine at the crack of dawn on a working day during a business trip:

And was horrified at the behaviour of one particular desi, who was sitting in public like this, whilst reading Mid-Day (so he must have been on the Bombay flight) and scratching his balls. All in public:

Then we made our way through the terminal, immigration and the Heidi train to our gate:

Next to our gate was a smoking lounge, complete with faux fireplace and excellent views that I sat in just to enjoy the second hand:

Our plane:

Boarding was self-service (as indicated above), which meant scan your boarding pass or barcode on your phone and go ahead. But there were also separate automatic gates for J and there was a staff member around to look into any problems.

The cabin and seat:

My friend's breakfast. Not a fan of the cellophane or the paper cup for coffee, but still not bad for what was an 18 minute flight from takeoff to touchdown:

I just got a coffee:

Overhead screen with map:

The beautiful French countryside (my pictures don't do it justice):

A better view upon approach to LYS:

Satolas Airport (yes, it's been renamed Saint-Exupéry, but no one calls it that):

Allez Hop!

Of all places, desis at LYS. What on earth? And what do you know… They were Gujju (I overheard)! And clearly new-ish arrivals based on their accent and they way they dressed. Of all the places in the world:

Whilst waiting for the luggage, I nipped into the toilet. I barely noticed the woman cleaning the gents', since that's a common thing in France. But then a stall door opened and a women emerged. Then another door opened and another woman emerged.

I don't care personally if anyone sneaks a peek (or five) at my goods. Hell, just ask nicely and I'll give you a proper show:) But I wanted to be sure I hadn't wandered into the ladies' by mistake. So I asked the cleaning lady:

"Ça, c'est pour les homes, non?" (This is for the men, no?)
"Ouais, mais le femmes viennent aussi" (Yes but women come too)
And she gave a giant Gallic shrug, using her whole body.

Oh well. I gave a giant shrug of my own, went to the open urinal that was in plain sight of everything and everyone, did my business and went off on my way.

Satolas comes with a railway station attached and so within moments of collecting our luggage, we were on our way.
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The_Goat · Posted: Sat May 11, 2013 6:19 pm Post subject:

Nice TR's Jas.

BOM looks quite empty, compared to what it usually is at that time of the night. AT what time does the LX flight depart?

jasepl · Member Joined: 26 Jul 2008 Posts: 4257 Location: bund-bay

sumantra · Member Joined: 28 Oct 2007 Posts: 4685 Location: New Delhi

Wow - this sees the number of hits in three figures before I set my eyes on it! Jason, thanks for yet another lovely report on places that are exotic for most of us. As usual, very well structured, and laid out, complete with itineraries, maps, and interesting nuggets of information, and descriptions, in your own inimitable style. The three-floor lounge at Kloten was interesting, while the toilet incident was hilarious! Keep it coming, we love it.
Cheers, Sumantra.

jasepl · Member Joined: 26 Jul 2008 Posts: 4257 Location: bund-bay

Other Travel

Walking across to the railway station, we encountered, of course:

Trush them to advertise flights between Lyons and India!

The Satolas TGV station:

We took the train straight from the airport to Aix. A few days later, a bog standard AF flight from MRS to NTE.

And, later, the train from Nantes to Grenoble. Which took five hours, but that's probably how long it would have take door-to-door if we flew anyway.

The trains:

Marignane airport in Marseilles:

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jasepl · Member Joined: 26 Jul 2008 Posts: 4257 Location: bund-bay

jasepl · Member Joined: 26 Jul 2008 Posts: 4257 Location: bund-bay

Provence au printemps / Provence in the springtime

As expected, my grandmother did not recognise me. Bad as I felt, we had nearly four days to kill, so we rented a car and drove around the area.

Interestingly, I didn't see a single desi person (besides the three of us) during the week between Lyon Airport and Geneva Airport. Lots of people from everywhere else, from Chinese to Brazilians and Poles to Thais and South Africans to Canadians, but no Indians. A couple of Sri Lankans, but no Indians.

Très bizarre.

There are too many pictures in this section, and none are related to flying, so I've kept them small. But just touch and they will get bigger Smile

Marseille and her Vieux Port (old port), which has now been redeveloped and has become the touristy centre:

Of course, prominent and slap bang in the middle of the Vieux Port, there had to be:

We walked through a local open-air market which had fruit, vegetables, meat, fish etc. It was predominantly maghrébin (unsurprising for this part of the country), which meant some aspects of it seemed very familiar to us third world wallahs:

That said, I have yet to see a vegetable-walli in India who looks like this:

Pétanque in the middle of a working day : another sign we were in Provence:

If Paris can have an Arc de Triomphe, so can Marseilles:

A huge gaggle of Filipino tourists, the women all in identical jackets, scarves and handbags, the men in matching jackets and caps (no idea what the white woman's doing in the pic):

Aix-en-Provence

Posted without comment:

Interesting make-up going on:

Avignon, site of the papacy for a while:

Arles

Other sights of Provence (note some pics aren't mine, especially the lavender pics, since it was too early for the fields to be in full bloom, but the sight and smell is something else, so…)

After Nantes, we took the train to Grenoble to see my goddaughter and stayed a couple of days with her parents (my cousin Ben – some might remember him from past reports – and his wife):

Simultaneously pretty as pretty can be yet dull as dull can be:

Next, time to go home. And I was ready. Besides being a long-ish trip, temperatures below 24 degrees bother me.
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The_Goat · Posted: Sun May 12, 2013 3:56 pm Post subject: Re: Other Regional Travel

shivendrashukla · Posted: Sun May 12, 2013 5:27 pm Post subject:

Nice TR there Jason. Looking for more from the remaining part.

Cheers
Shivendra

sumantra · Member Joined: 28 Oct 2007 Posts: 4685 Location: New Delhi

Lovely pictures, Jason - you sure have an eye for detail! The street sign one was hilarious.
Cheers, Sumantra.

jasepl · Member Joined: 26 Jul 2008 Posts: 4257 Location: bund-bay

Before we get to the return, the best part of the trip must be highlighted, of course : the food !

Unfortunately (for me), very nearly anything worth eating was off the menu, and I was determined to behave myself, so there was a lot of window eating. Fortunately, everyone was considerate enough to not tempt me by eating in front of me.

Baked goods especially are my one of my greatest weaknesses, and whilst the Hungarians are the best at cakemaking, no one does viennoiserie better than the French. I much prefer savoury to sweet, but the sweet ones looked prettier and more tempting.

It was hell... So much yumminess, and all I could do was stare. So I overcompensated by taking too many pictures:

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PAL@YWG · Posted: Tue May 14, 2013 12:35 am Post subject:

Excellent TR, Jason! Just when I was about to ask "Where are pics of food?", I see you have just added in your last instalment. Good that you did, can't miss that part!

Very well laid out TR, more on sights & sounds of the places and less on family intricacies Very Happy

Hold on! Didn't we hear enough in the first para Very Happy

Didn't you squeeze in few generations (You seeing you granddaughter, your grandmother seeing you) in one trip!

Thanks for sharing!
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jasepl · Member Joined: 26 Jul 2008 Posts: 4257 Location: bund-bay

avbuff · Member Joined: 22 Dec 2006 Posts: 5031

Excellent TR jasepl!

jasepl · Member Joined: 26 Jul 2008 Posts: 4257 Location: bund-bay

Spiderguy252 · Posted: Wed May 15, 2013 12:59 am Post subject:

Cheers, thanks for the report.

How would you rate Swiss on the scale of the other Western European carriers to compare with?
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PAL@YWG · Posted: Wed May 15, 2013 2:20 am Post subject:

jasepl · Member Joined: 26 Jul 2008 Posts: 4257 Location: bund-bay

jasepl · Member Joined: 26 Jul 2008 Posts: 4257 Location: bund-bay

With an early 7h30ish departure, we had a car service come get us at 5h00 from home in Grenoble, with an expected drive of 1h10, so leaving us enough time to spare.

Our route (should have) took us straight into Switzerland and right to the main (Swiss) entrance of Cointrin Airport. But there was some blockage on the road just after entering Switzerland and crossing the river, so the driver took a little detour because we were rushed.

Basically, we drove through France, into Switzerland for a few minutes, cut back through France for a bit and then went back into Switzerland.

Still took us only about 20 minutes more than planned.

Our route:

Once inside the airport, we exited the car in "France" and then went up a lift and walked back into Switzerland.

Homemade depictions:

Cointrin has a French Sector (a separate-ish part of the building) that is used for all flights to France, regardless of airline. The French Sector is completely in Switzerland, with the entire airfield between the building and the French border. But road access is through a tunnel, so you enter a tunnel in France, cross over into Switzerland under the runway and emerge onto a restricted-access road that takes you straight into the "French" parking garage.

By the way, compared to Kloten in Zurich, Geneva’s Cointrin Airport is like the unwanted stepchild : it is dull, depressing and gloomy, with low ceilings and outdated décor. Fortunately, it is small, convenient and very, very efficient. That trumps prettiness, in my opinion. Besides, no one really needs to spend too much time there.

All flights to France are consdered to be domestic French flights and operate from the "Secteur France":

Interesting that all places names are in French, except London, which is in English.

Physically, you're in Switzerland, but legally, it's still French territory. To "enter" Switzerland, we had to cross the border on foot : that meant pushing our trolley a few metres past a no-longer-manned immigration desk (since Schengen is now in force). However, Switzerland only joined Schengen (ie: free movement of people) but not the customs union (so no free movement of goods) and this means a customs check is possible. Not that anyone cared or bothered to look.

If you're using any other means of transport (including French public buses etc), you must enter through the Swiss side. Then, if you need to go to France, just walk across the border in the opposite direction.
Go where you want:

Walk into Switzerland:

Or stroll into France:

Okay, the above images are thanks to Google. It was too early for my eyes and brain both to be working so I didn’t take pictures of my own. I will say though that I don’t remember the border crossing looking like that. I recall it being a sad, deserted corner, all dirty yellow and orange. So either my eyes played tricks on me, or the pictures I found are outdated. My money’s on the former.

On the inbound, if you're on a flight coming from anywhere but France, you arrive on the Swiss side, clear Swiss immigration and Swiss customs and then you can cross over into France.

If you're coming on a flight from France, you can choose whether to exit in "France" (ie: a domestic arrival, so no immigration or customs) or Switzerland. If you choose Switzerland, clear Swiss immigration and wait a little while for your bags on the Swiss side, because bags that aren't picked op on the French belts are automatically redirected to the Swiss belts. Then you can clear Swiss customs and be on your way, choosing to hop back into France within minutes should you wish.

God I love the quirks of Europe.
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stealthpilot · Member Joined: 19 Dec 2006 Posts: 2325 Location: BLR, DXB

Great TR
I love menus on aircrafts ... don't ask me why but they make everything seem yummier.
I liked the amenity kit .... i got the pencil box thing from LH with the 380 on it .... don't really use it but its awesome.
Nice pics of ZHR .... saw a video TR on youtube a while ago and your pics reminded me of it.

sumantra · Member Joined: 28 Oct 2007 Posts: 4685 Location: New Delhi

What an awesome Switzerland-France description- amazing, Jason, you can describe such quirks really well.
Cheers, Sumantra.

jasepl · Member Joined: 26 Jul 2008 Posts: 4257 Location: bund-bay

jasepl · Member Joined: 26 Jul 2008 Posts: 4257 Location: bund-bay

OLCI

We had checked in on the phone the previous day and it was a quick, flawless process. Besides the fact that this actually worked, unlike a certain airline, it didn't ask me to enter my life history – including my gender – all over again. Again unlike a certain airline.

*Enter PNR (or simply log-in if you have an account)
*Confirm / change seats
*Confirm APIS information is still valid (no need to enter it again)

* Choose method of boarding pass delivery (I choose phone)
* And Within seconds, I had a text message.

* Click on the link and voilà, boarding pass:

GVA-ZRH

Though the boarding pass said 6h35, boarding didn't start until just after 7h00.

A quick uneventful flight – I slept the whole time – and we were in Zurich.

Since we were coming from within Europe, there was no need to clear security again. Just clear immigration and take the Heidi train to the E gates. And yes, it is officially Heidi, in some form at least:

Our layover was rather short, but Kloten is compact enough that it was still plenty of time. That said, I don't like inter-terminal trains, so Zurich has gone down a notch in my estimation.

ZRH-BOM

Anyway, we soon boarded and were shown to our seats. ZRH's unusual boarding arrangement, with F and J+Y, instead of the usual F+J and Y:

On the flight to Zurich, the menus, amenity kits etc were already on the seat and the whole process was somewhat hurried. This being a daytime flight, they only offered beverages and hot towels before departure.

Whilst taxiing, I saw Jet's soon-to-be family member, which was on the verge of being related to Kingfisher a year ago:

And speaking of, here's the Kingfisher 330 taking up space at Kloten:

For a second I thought the Fat One had got his cannibalising claws in this poor plane as well:

Then the service started and it was much more leisurely than on the BOM-ZRH flight.

Menus were distributed and orders taken, along with a beverage run

Amenity kits were handed out; as usual, different container from the outbound:

Then the table was set, followed by another beverage run.

I decided to try a Swiss pinot, which was surprisingly good and very light, so perfect for the time of morning. Of course, accompanied by my trademark sparkling water. We were also given wafers in original packaging – cheap and smacked of Air India. The Dijon flavour, which I love, was so strong my sinuses cleared out instantly! Tasty as the wafers were, the poor presentation was tragic.

I only ate the salad (on account of my good behaviour resolution):

Followed by my other trademark, coffee and "einmal Wasser mit Gas":

Our route:

Over Turkey:

It was clear skies, which meant spectacular views of the mountains of Anatolia

We passed Van and entered Iran, somewhere I've always wanted to go, but never managed.

The mountains continue:

Giving way to flatter topography, the city of Urmia and Lake Urmia:

We flew just south of Teheran, and I really wanted to get a look and a picture, but I was seated on the wrong side of the plane. The window seats were all occupied, save one, which, unfortunately, was just over the wing, which meant I didn't get any luck. But anyway, this is Teheran with the Elburz Mountains in the distance and the Caspian Sea beyond them:

Soon the Caucasian gave way to the Subcontinental:

Which meant bye-bye Iran. And Hello Terroristan!

It was starting to get dark, so I didn't get any more pictures of Terroristan. We flew right over Karachi and I tried to get a pic of the lights, but that didn't work.

The lights came on as we were approaching Bhuj and the started on a beverage round along with the "delicious light meal". I have no idea what that was, because I just asked for a green tea.

The tea was served perfectly, including a dish for the used bag:

The cabin was prepared for landing and everyone was finishing up their last minute things, including this passenger who got up to get his passport from the overhead.

Oh. My. God. I can only repeat Margaret Thatcher's words: "No. No. No". You cannot wear that in public. Or in private. No. No. No.

Some of these maps are really messed up. Juhu Island and Dharavi Island? Since when?

We landed and pulled up to the terminal, where we had a boarding bridge. Let's see who else had paid for one: Air India, Emirates and Singapore Airlines. No prizes for guessing who hadn't.

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Karan69 · Member Joined: 22 Dec 2006 Posts: 1334

Jason, this has to be one your best reports,

A less reported Airport/Airline
Desis scratching their balls in public and wearing clothing which would make Margret Thatcher sing Hakuna Matata in her grave

Not to mention the brilliantly descriptive text and pictures

For me the highlight of your report is the hassale free [for the most part] experiences at say ZRH/LX compared to AI/9W/BOM .

Our Desi carriers make one of the simplest things like OLCI such a hazardous task we tend to forget how simple a task it is

Look forward for more

Karan

sumantra · Member Joined: 28 Oct 2007 Posts: 4685 Location: New Delhi

...a superb concluding part. I simply loved the humour, and the pot shots at your favourite airline, Jet. The Kingfisher 332 is still at ZRH: I wonder why in today's day and age, an A332 lies unused. It is flyable, that is why it got out of India, perhaps just so. It is in poor condition, but perhaps not so poor as to await the parting out axe. The DC-8 at ZRH is used for fire drills, I believe. Those views out of the window were superb. Your pictures capturing a situation - The green tea and the Strepsils pack, and the person in the hideous dress - made my day. Thanks a lot for sharing yet another superb report with us!
Cheers, Sumantra.

abhijith16 · Posted: Sun May 19, 2013 12:28 pm Post subject:

My goodness, Jason. Thanks for making me laugh a lot. I haven't done that, and you just gave me the little boost I needed for the day.

The Desi attitude is indeed quite appalling. You have no true idea of how capable we are Wink

.

Once when I was on a cruise ship (on a tour of Europe), we went to the restaurant and were seated to this Rajasthani couple. We were just getting served by the waiter, when all of a sudden, I notice - how shall I put this politely - melodious sounds coming from the crack of the Desi lady's pants.... The Americans and the French just turned around, looked at her with every bit of disgust and contempt on their faces. As for her, she didn't give a F***. And we pretended to be SriLankan for the rest of our trip.

On the same night, the same Rajasthani couple attends a party (from my Mother's point of view, as I was too tired) on the pool, where they have a competition to impersonate 'Hercules'. The guy jumps to the task ecstatically and my mom then says how he tried to get kisses from everyone while being barechested.

Gross.

BTW, LX seems very good. They do pamper their premium folks good and proper!
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jasepl · Member Joined: 26 Jul 2008 Posts: 4257 Location: bund-bay

jasepl · Member Joined: 26 Jul 2008 Posts: 4257 Location: bund-bay

Geneva can't be the only airport to get extra attention, can it? Because Sahar can present it's own delights.

I do love the LX arrival time. Besides being civilised, it also means Sahar isn't a zoo.

So, whilst immigration was very nearly deserted, the clown decided he had to ask me a dumb question, so it took a bit longer than it should have done. Once he was done flicking through my passport, he looked up at me :

Idiot : Where you coming from?
I was tempted to say something smart alecky, seeing how LX was the only flight in immigration and I had already answered that question on the retarded landing form. But before I could, he had his next question
Idiot : Where is visa?
Me : What visa?
Idiot : Where you're coming from… Where is visa?
Took me a second to process what he was asking me; he wanted to see my European visa, which I don't have anyway
Me: That's none of your business.
Idiot : But I have to check.
Me : For a visa? No. You check if my passport is valid and if it belongs to me and that's all.
Idiot : But I have to check.
Me : No you don't. And I don't have a visa… What are you going to do now?
We stared at each other for a couple of minutes. Then the idiot meekly stamped my passport and handed it to me without a word.

Putain! Stupid clueless jobsworth on a power trip. I swear, I could have cheerfully murdered him without feeling an ounce of remorse.

Next stop, baggage claim.

Like I said, Sahar was almost deserted. Baggage claim too was very nearly empty, with just the Air Arabia crowd waiting for their bags at one belt. All of the other belts were unassigned.

So, of course, in their infinite wisdom, the airportwallahs decided the Swiss bags should also be on the same belt. Why disrupt the other belts when they're resting peacefully. So that small crowd became a big mess.

Just when you thought it couldn't get dumber, they decided to send the Thai bags to the same belt too (the TG flight landed about 15 minutes after ours).

Wow.

I went and sat on the chairs along the pillar.

It took a good 20 minutes of a bunch of people furiously talking into their cell phones and walkie-talkies to figure out what the hell was going on. Of course, no bags showed up either. By then, several TG passengers had reached baggage claim to add to the even bigger mess.

Wow.

So now, they three plane-loads of confused passengers crowding one little belt, whilst all of the other belts were free and available. And no luggage in sight for anyone.

Wow.

Finally, LX was taken off the screen and the adjacent belt started moving and it's display said Swiss. So most of the herd started moving in that direction.

Of course, it turned out that they directed the Air Arabia bags to the belt that said Swiss and the Swiss bags to the belt that said Air Arabia and Thai.

Wow.

So then there was loud shouting from the airport staff about who should go where.

Wow.

Fortunately, our bags were amongst the first lot and we escaped before it became a disaster. God knows what happened to the Thai bags.

Wow.

Customs

The customswallah at the X-ray just waved us through so we simply walked past. We turned right, and just before the point where you hand over the customs slip to the pandu, two men came up to us. One talked, the other stared.

The chatty one turned out to be the second idiot of the evening (after the immigrationwallah, and not counting the baggagewallahs) :

Second Idiot : I am with customs. Flashes badge.
Us : Okay. So?
Second Idiot :What is in your bag?
Us : Clothes, shoes, medicine… the usual things.
Second Idiot :How much cash do you have?
Us : I don't know. Why?
Second Idiot :How much gold do you have?
Me : Really? Do I look like I'm carrying gold?
Second Idiot :No gold? No jewellery, cash, electronics, watch?
Us : No nothing of the sort.
And that was the truth. The only thing we bought during the whole trip between the two of us was a pack of Strepsils, a pair of shoelaces and a dozen pains au chocolat for Delna. Total value under 20 euros. Not exactly contraband.
Second Idiot : Nothing in your bags? Sure?
That's when it hit me.
Me : Yes sure. I think you're confused. We've come from Switzerland, not Sharjah.
And then it hit him. So he looked to his silent partner, who just stared.
Us : Here, take our bags check what you want. Just hurry up.
Second Idiot :-- silence –
Me : Hurry up! Or we're going.
So he decided to check my friend's carry-on and pulled something out triumphantly.
Second Idiot : What is this?
That's when my friend got pissed off too.
Friend : It's a mobile charger. Haven't seen one before?
Second Idiot :-- silence –
So the clown turned back to the silent partner, supposedly his boss
Second Idiot :Sir?
Boss shook/nodded his head.
Second Idiot : Okay. You can go.

And we walked off.

Wow.

Putain! Stupid clueless jobsworth on a power trip. I swear, I could have cheerfully murdered him too without feeling an ounce of remorse.

Welcome Home.
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four years free of jetya punti!

sukritmunjal · Member Joined: 23 Jan 2013 Posts: 178 Location: FMO

sumantra · Member Joined: 28 Oct 2007 Posts: 4685 Location: New Delhi

sumantra · Member Joined: 28 Oct 2007 Posts: 4685 Location: New Delhi

The_Goat · Posted: Mon May 20, 2013 1:32 am Post subject:

jasepl · Member Joined: 26 Jul 2008 Posts: 4257 Location: bund-bay

Nimish · Posted: Mon Jun 10, 2013 5:20 am Post subject:

Hi Jason - massively entertaining and brilliant TR. My only complaint - those thumbnails - they're a pain to click and alt-tab my way through a gazillion tabs. Next time - put them on on the main report in a visible size Smile

.

The food pictures - were those all yours? Wow!

LX in J - seems like a good option.

The desi in crocs scratching his balls - hopefully he wasn't simultaneously digging his nose and farting too. Quite possible!

The clowns at Sahar - well - just got to bear with them - this is all part of the Indira Gandhi Keep-a-babu-looking-busy-while-he-figures-if-there's-a-bribe-coming-his-way yojana. Or it might well be the Rajiv Gandhi xxxxxx yojana too.

The customs/immigration guys at BLR are far far better - never a stupid question from immigration (only a few seconds of small talk while they flip through the passport and swipe it), and the customs guy is only interested to see if your bags have their tell-tale white chalk cross mark - to indicate that the X-Ray found something of interest in your bag.

Incidental - but why did you ask for sparkling water in German and not French? Surely the LX crew must be tri-lingual at least (DE/FR/EN)?
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We miss you Nalini!